Wednesday, August 29, 2012

15 ways to convince your NKF that you are crazy

Your NKF (non-knitting friend) could be male or female, but for brevity's sake I have made her female. And here are the many ways in which we convince her that we are certifiable.

  1. Tell your NKF what you spent--how many dollars and how many hours--on the pair of socks you are knitting. Even though you have only finished one, do not show it to her. But if you must show it to her, do not let her try it on.
  2. Tell her about your family trip to Montana, how you passed through Whitefish, how you happened to find on your phone (because you have an app for this!) a cute little local yarn shop, how you convinced your family to drop you off at Knit 'n Needle with the oh-so-generous encouragement that they not worry about you, that they go find something lovely to do for the entire afternoon, and--yes--even through dinner. Had they seen Glacier National Park? Not to worry: you'll be fine! 
  3. Tell your NKF that you bought yarn at the shop. Why, no, you don't have enough yarn! Then laugh as if no-one has every said anything quite so absurd!
  4. Tell her about that yarn you bought at the shop: you aren't sure if you have enough or what's the perfect project. But not to worry, the yarn will tell you what it wants to be.
  5. Tell your NKF that while at the shop the most amazing thing happened! She'll never guess who was there! You actually got her autograph. No, not Frances McDormand (your mutually favourite actress), way better than that. Then gush about your favourite knitting teacher or author or gone-viral designer from Ravelry. (It might be overkill to tell her what this last bit means.)
  6. Tell her that you just read the best book! Title: Free Range Knitter. Author: Stephanie Pearl-McPhee. Genre: knitting humour.
  7. Tell your NKF that you went back to Montana . . . for a knitting retreat.
  8.  Tell her that, at that retreat, you took a pattern drafting class. And remember that cute little T-shirt that she helped you buy? Well, now you know how to knit a version of it. You think you found the perfect yarn, 10% off at the retreat, still expensive because it is, after all, 15% cashmere. But you are so excited because you just know it's the perfect yarn to knit that T-shirt. (You won't have to tell her how much you spent.)
  9. Tell your NKF that at that retreat you took another class, for which you had to take a nearly-naked photo of yourself with which you played paper dolls. In a moment of weakness, show her your silhouette.
  10. Tell her that at that same retreat you took a six hour class in which you learned a skill worth the price of admission--how to get rid of the ugly loop at the end of a bind-off row. Do offer to show her the class swatch!
  11. Tell your NKF that you recently watched a movie in which someone was knitting. You re-wound repeatedly to see if it was real or fake and then called all your knitting friends to tell them that Hilary Swank (or Judi Dench, or Kate Winslett, or Russell Crowe) really does know how to knit!
  12. Tell her that, because she told you you just had to go there, you have now booked a trip to Hawaii--on a knitting cruise.
  13. Tell her that, yes, it is expensive, but the cruise organizer has been so helpful finding you someone to share your stateroom with. No, you do not know her, but she's a knitter: it'll be fine!
  14. Tell your NKF that, no, you haven't finished knitting a) that second sock, b) that yarn you bought at the shop in Montana, c) that T-shirt you drafted. Act like this is perfectly normal.
  15. But do tell her about that shawl from Victorian Lace Today--the one that took a month to knit the center panel and three months to finish the edging? Tell her how you cried as you finished. No, not because it was so beautiful. You cried  . . . because it was done.
Did I miss anything?
Thanks to the folks at Knit 'N' Needle for inspiring me!


  1. I've turned most of my previous NKF's into KF's and those that aren't, I don't see often - mainly because what you say is just TOO TRUE!

  2. NKF's are just plain weird! All of the above is perfectly normal.

  3. Thanks to all for the support!

  4. I have to share this with my own NKF, because she is actually going to Glacier next week. I'll ask her if they're stopping in Whitefish. I bet if I told her to stop in that yarn store and pick up some sock yarn in a color she likes, she'd let me make her a pair of socks.

    You see, I'm her NMF (non-musical friend) and we indulge each other's insanities.

  5. Tell her she absolutely MUST stop in Whitefish--to EAT! Lula's is a wonderful restaurant!

    What a good friend! How lucky you both are!

  6. I loved the points about what happens on a trip. I think I have done all of those on one trip or another in some form. I don't tell the stories to NKF's; my husband does to gain sympathy for being married to a crazy person.

    1. Too cute--about the husband!

      I have another one--reporting to your NKF how thrilled only you were (happily knitting) when the nurse came in to tell those in the waiting room that "the doctor would be delayed in surgery another 40 minutes."

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. Thanks so much for all your kind words for the Knit 'n Needle. This is all too true about NKF, this is why I try to keep them to a minimum :). Most of my friends are knitters or very into some other handwork. Just meet a sock knitter last night, it was wonderful. My husband did think the nearly naked picture was a bit crazy though. Otherwise he says that knitting has made everyone in our family life better and it is cheaper than therapy. ~Angela

  9. Cheaper than therapy indeed! And speaking of family, you know that crazy aunt who drives everyone else from the room? Not you! You can sit and knit and . . . listen and listen and listen.

    Seriously, I also think the reason my son is a musician is that I sat in the room while he practiced--knitting, of course!

  10. My husband indulged me in seven yarn shop visits on our trip to Montana and Wyoming a few years back - in between the breathtaking beauty of Glacier NP, Yellowstone, and Jackson, icluding the one in Whitefish and a stunning, stunning shop in Kalispell - Camas Creek Yarns.